Wasting Time

“Why do I waste so much time?” I often wonder to myself as I go to bed at night. There is a reoccurring pattern during the normal day and it goes like this.

I wake up in the morning and automatically feel like I can sleep more because I am capable of getting ready for school quickly. When I finally convince myself to get out of bed, I experience regret because I realize that I not only need to get ready to be at school on time, but also to finish some homework I hadn’t been able to get to the previous night. Before school in the library I am panicking about tests or certain homework that I need to study for. That is the time I am most efficient, going through one homework assignment after another like nothing. Unfortunately though, during classes when I have everything done for that day I become extremely lazy always saying to myself, “You can do that at home tonight.” I go home from school and tell myself I don’t quite yet need to start on my homework for the night. Apparently I love the instant gratification, because I always trick myself into not doing the homework until late at night and then I don’t even finish and save it for the next morning when I am far more efficient. I go to bed that night regretting that I had left homework to do in the morning. Also before falling asleep I tell myself that I’ll try harder tomorrow and succeed in doing all my homework before going to bed. I wake up in the morning only to repeat the set of emotions.

I’m not sure what stirs and calms the motivation inside me to do well in school. It seems to be calmed when there is entertainment as an alternative to homework. I try hard to avoid entertaining myself at home, but with two younger brothers always entertaining themselves and my dad helping them its difficult to ignore. It’s mostly the movies that calm the motivation, but when it is over I become motivated again. This is short-lived because of my desire to go to bed. If I could better ignore the enticing movies or the loud video games then my life would, in all aspects, improve. I am not saying that I wouldn’t miss video games or movies, but I would be better for it. I would have better grades; have more time for reading and more time to talk with friends to keep in touch. Sure I enjoy “wasting time” but when you think about it, it’s just not worth it.